Bats: Kings of the Skies and My Heart

Vera Tikhonova, Liam Hodgson

Liam Hodgson, Staff Writer

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Howdy! I bet you’re here to learn about bats. Wise choice– follow me.

According to lore, vampire bats turn you into a vampire. Of course, I had to check with the experts on this. “Yeah… no that is not how it works at all,” my good friend Ben the Bat Scientist says, with a dramatic turn of his roquelaure. Well, Ben, one of us is wearing a roquelaure here so I think you’re wrong. My theory is confirmed by an unexpected—very unexpected—guest to my room at approximately 3:27 am. Dracula! That absolute unit dropped by to let me know that “[He] used to be a normal farm boy. The stories were all wrong, I wasn’t born a vampire. I was simply tending to my cattle one day when a ferocious blood-sucking demon of the air descended upon my jugular,” Dracula said. Good insight sir! Never come back to my abode!

I don’t want to make bats sound bad, honestly, I do not. So to argue both sides, I decided to track down that big bat we all love: Batman! He seemed angry upon my prodding if he is actually a gigantic bat. What is he hiding? “I’m not a [deleted] bat. Stop [deleted] asking me that. And I don’t eat moths, what’s wrong with you?” Well, Batman, I’m sure the bats that surround you at all times beg to differ.

All of my run-ins with bats have been somewhat pleasant. They’ve made homes in my nest-like hair, ate mosquitos around the campfire, and tried to steal my horchata as I watched the meteor shower. They’re good guys, they eat the bad bugs. “Yeah, I love bats. They’re so fascinating. I’m trying to learn echolocation right now—that’s dual purpose so I can talk to dolphins too. This is also my 5th year being nocturnal,” Ben the Bat scientist said. It was at this point where I realized Ben may not be the bat scientist I’d hoped. I think he’s still lurking in the shadows with his roquelaure.

Lastly, a useful acronym for determining, “Is that a bat?” BATS: Big Ass Teethy Skyrats.

Go out and conquer!

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Bats: Kings of the Skies and My Heart