SJHS Students Walk the Halls

Aidan Allers, Staff Writer

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At the high school, there are hallways, of course. But the question is, “do people actually know how to walk in them?”

To figure this out we have to isolate the different types of hallway users at our school. And with all this we can finally have a reason to have traffic laws inside the school. I’m telling you, these hallways are that bad.

First off you have your slow walkers. These people walk dreadfully slow and will cut you off the minute they turn. Typically whenever you attempt to pass them, they will unknowingly walk in a serpentine pattern and cut you off each and every time you try to go around.

The next type of hallway user are the anime kids. These little rascals will stop at nothing to get to class or leave the school. Usually carrying a messenger bag, these kids will always bump into you. Walking fast isn’t enough for these kids; they instead choose to run at mach speed, eradicating anything that stands in their path. They’ve struggled through many hours of watching anime in order to run like their favorite character. As a wise Marion Moseby would say, “No Running in my lobby.” Only this applies to the hallways and edgy teens with the urge to wield a katana.

We also have the “Stand in the middle of the hallway and block everyone because I’m  super disrespectful but I think I’m cool” type of kid. These students are rugged and have no regard for anyone else. You typically see this among people wearing designer clothes. These kids are also really loud and blare rap music out of their phone speaker. It is also said these are “vape” kids.

Lastly we have the wild card. These students are a mixture of all. They most likely have colored hair and yell at the top of their lungs about something that no one knows. Obnoxious laughs, lots of drama, and random incidents also occur among this group. Which leads to distraction, which then leads to a huge pileups of people in the hallways.

With all these kids in mind, we need to set a certain traffic rule in the hallways. Kids sprinting with arms behind their backs will be arrested, slow walkers fined, and blockers tased on sight.

So if you’re any of these kinds of people, please turn yourself in to the office today. St. Joe High School is committed to excellence and an efficient hallway system. Traffic lights will be added during the summer, along with regulatory traffic laws. Together we clean up the halls.