Breaking news: The president has been impeached

Mya Osburn, Staff Writer

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After the official election results came in, the President has formally been impeached for several reasons and, for the first time in history, disqualified for the presidential candidacy. Their running partner, the vice-president-to-be, will take over.

For the few days the President was in office, the Senate saw an unprecedented behavior which was to be expected of this elected official, but this misconduct wasn’t enough for the Senate to formally impeach the new President.

After a week’s investigation into the president, they were brought to trial for bribing American soldiers to commit war crimes like torture and sending personal emails to Putin to “square up.” The President was promptly removed from office following the trial, and their Vice President sworn in, whom the Senate is also unsure of.

An anonymous past speech-writer for the new President revealed numerous scandals that happened behind the scenes that should’ve ruined the President’s campaign and disqualified them long ago.

“The President focused much of their resources covering up bribery of several people that could ruin their campaign to keep their mouths shut.” The source reveals they were hired to write a speech to deal with the catastrophic aftermath this might’ve had, but luckily for the President’s campaign, the speech never had to be used.