Family Feuds: Understanding Sibling Rivalry
As many of us know, sibling rivalry is a natural part of growing up. Brothers and sisters live in shared spaces, compete in academics or sports, and even argue over small things, like who’s more talented or who gets the bigger half of the cookie. However, as we grow older, these rivalries tend to change; they can gradually shift toward understanding, support, and respect—or quite the opposite. Diving deeper into the causes of sibling and twin rivalries reveals how early competition can shape relationships.
According to research from C.S. Mott Children’s Hospital, the roots of sibling rivalry often lie in differences in personality, maturity, and sometimes perceived favoritism from parents. Many siblings initially compete for attention, which can turn into feelings of rivalry over things that seem wildly important at the time. As siblings grow older and enter high school, these little arguments can shift to more serious competitions, like who’s doing better academically or excelling in sports. When it comes to siblings Marley, 10 and Dylan Walters, 12 it’s no different.
“We mostly rival over golf and who can perform better in sports.” Dylan said. Such rivalries are common among young siblings and are often a way for them to define themselves in various areas of their lives.
For twins, rivalry can feel even more complex. Not only do twins share the same age, but they often look alike, which some say intensifies the struggle for individuality. Dr. Joan Friedman, a specialist in twin psychology says, “while twins fight just like different-aged siblings, their tensions have much more to do with establishing separateness and uniqueness.” Twins are frequently compared by others, leading to greater pressure to stand out from each other in academics, sports, or personal achievements, but this can vary over time.
“Our classes can be competitive, but we mostly have petty fights about who’s the better driver, when someone brings something up from the past, and who should do the chores.” Manasvi, 12 shared, who is a twin with her sister, Yeshasvi, 12. This is a blend of companionship and competition. But as siblings and twins enter adulthood, rivalries can either mellow into camaraderie and admiration or deepen into competitiveness in different areas.
As siblings and twins grow older, rivalries often mellow into mutual admiration and shared pride. Early arguments and competitions can transform into an appreciation for each other’s quirks, values, and ambitions. Many siblings find themselves cheering each other on, reminiscing about funny memories, and celebrating milestones together. However, the rivalry doesn’t always fade; for some, competition can intensify in adulthood, especially if differences in career success or lingering feelings of favoritism persist. According to WebMD, “Even beyond middle age, siblings still remember the way they felt as kids. This affects their relationships with each other and their psychological well-being.” This can mean that unresolved issues keep the rivalry alive, adding complexity to sibling relationships over time.
In the end, sibling rivalry is as much a part of family life as shared holiday dinners and inside jokes. Whether it’s a jab about who got the better grades, a brag over who’s the better driver, or a debate on who’s better at a game, these rivalries often evolve into important memories. For some, the rivalry mellows out, leaving behind a mix of funny stories and a lasting bond. While some sibling competition may still pop up now and then—after all, who doesn’t want bragging rights—it often becomes less about winning and more about enjoying each other’s company: nobody knows you better than a sibling.
