Couch Quarterback

“HOW DO YOU THROW THAT?” 

No way a 4 star quarterback couldn’t make that read: it was so easy to see the tight end streaking across the field on the opposite side while 300-pound guys pummel me into the ground, spitting up turf pellets in the process. 

Even though I haven’t played quarterback since middle school, and stand at a daunting five-foot-nine-inches: I know the rules of the game, which is qualification enough. 

How hard can it be to throw the ball 50 yards to a player with a yard of separation? 

The 500 plus plays can’t be that hard to remember — the middle school plays weren’t. 

I don’t need any practice with them, as long as the receivers are open I will get them the ball. Who says that a guy who has played football for his entire life and honed his skills every waking moment since he was nine, is better than a guy whose only snaps at the position came in eighth grade during a 30-0 loss. 

Not to brag, but I completed one pass for 10 yards — and then got sacked and never played again, but that wasn’t my fault: it was the coaches for not seeing the prodigy I am. 

I can’t bench 200 pounds and can’t squat probably half of what he can now, but within a few days I’d be ready to go. I could definitely make that throw. If they took away his scholarship and gave it to me, then I would take them to the promised land. I would be the greatest quarterback in team history. Just a guy off the couch with a dream and an arm that is comparable to Josh Allen, speed comparable to Lamar Jackson and the football IQ of Tom Brady.