Dodging the draft
Well, it finally happened, WW3 is in our near future and before you know it, the draft will be upon us as well. Wanna make sure you don’t get drafted? Follow these five easy tips.
#1. Get out of town. U.S. citizens between the ages of 18-25 are required to register for the draft within 30 days of their birthdate. However, visitors, diplomats and international students are not required to register. So your best chance is to yeet skeet and skedaddle on to Canada for some bacon.
graphic by sky stockton
#2. Make up a health condition. One thing the U.S doesn’t want is a sick person coughing on others, spreading their Ebola on their fellow comrades. So simply make up a rare condition that prevents you from carrying out orders. Bribe your local doctor or health specialist to give you an official doctor’s note.
#3. Hold an “essential” job. Be ready to work. If you apply to work for the Secretary of State or some other government business, there is a very good chance you will not be asked to enter the draft because a job such as administering driver’s licenses or being a police officer still has to happen. So, if you’re lucky enough, you may find yourself working in an office rather than the battlefield.
#4. Go to college. This one will be easy for seniors, as long as the draft doesn’t happen right away. If you’re all set for college, then you my friend will skip the draft since an education is more important than flying a F-18 Hornet.
#5. Be a religious objector. If you’re part of religion that opposes war you are considered a “Peace Church” and can skip the draft. However, make sure you do it right if you’re planning to lie about it, because it is illegal and a punishable offense. Or just jump into the Amish, Quakers, etc. and just like that, no war for you.
Well, that’s about it; hopefully these tips will help you avoid the war and continue to live free. Underclassman such as Carter Yacobozzi, 10, aren’t worried one bit about it. “I’m underage, so, I mean, I’m getting off scot free. It must suck to be 18 right now but I wish my fellow brothers in arms the best of luck in the minefields,” he said. As for the rest of you guys, I wish you luck fellow comrades. Go win us the war.
cover photo by pixabay from pexels.com