Winder - December 2021

Name: Gary Helms Jones 

From: McMullen, Alabama

Age: 23

About Gary: Family is so fun! My favorite is my sister Susan. I love her big blue eyes that stare  into your soul like how a mountain lion stares at a goat before it attacks. She has beautiful dirty  blonde hair that resembles the extra straw I pick out of my toes that I didn’t eat after a long day of farming.  Every morning we cuddle while listening to “I Will Always Love You” by Dolly Parton. Message me! 

Name: Mikeala Tinyson

From: 83

Age:  Sway House

About: My favorite activity is lying in ditches next to highways. I like eating used toilet paper I find in porta potties. The blue liquid and tasty brown stuff reminds me of the good old days. Me and my friend, Ben Dover, would eat our horse’s poop so we wouldn't have to shovel it. As my future significant other, I look forward to our porta pottie dates. Maybe we could even star gaze in a ditch next to a highway? One time racoon guts got sprayed on my face, lol. 

Name: Santa Clause (but to you that’s Mr. Clause wink wink)

From: North Pole

Age: 1,750

About : Once a year I sneak into everyone’s house. I already know everything about you because I am watching you all the time. When you're sleeping I’m watching. When you're awake I’m watching. I’m always watching. Anyways, as my significant other we can take Rudolph for a spin, interpret that how you would like. You may be asking, “what about Mrs. Clause?” She’s dead.

Name: Jeremy but like I’m actually Fred Weasley

From: Hogwarts (I was born in Miami, Florida, but I know I’m really from Hogwarts)

Age: 43 

About: I am Fred Weasley reincarnated. I feel the wizardry flinging itself through my blood. Once, someone literally yelled at me, “Please put on clothes there are children around,” which is so weird because I’m pretty sure I had clothes on, so if that's not evidence that I’m a wizard, what is? This world is a simulation. THEY’RE JUST TRYING TO KEEP US FROM KNOWING ABOUT HE WHO SHALL NOT BE NAMED. Anyways, once I was arrested for public nudity.

photos by meghan meier