Mr. Fratzke and other top candidates for the next James Bond role

illustration by camp daniels

Kanye West- I’m going to start off strong here and go with Kanye West. What can’t this man do? He's a musician, a designer, a future president... I could go on. 

“Poopy-di scoop Scoop-diddy-whoop Whoop-di-scoop-di-poop,” Kanye West said in his 2018 song “Lift Yourself”, showing off his intellectual abilities. He can do all this, so why can’t he be a superspy? He already has fighting experience with the Paparazzi which makes him a top candidate to be the next 007. He even legally changed his name to Ye, adding to his mysterious persona, and making him an even better contender for the next James Bond.

Addison Rae- Addison Rae has 85 million followers on TikTok and is known for her innovative dancing and acting in the greatest Netflix movie of all time, He’s All That. It’s truly a masterpiece. 

“He’s All That is arguably one of the best movies ever made, a contender for top 3,” Grace Humes, 10, said. The movie is almost as good as her music. She’s the next award winning actress/musician and every 9 year boys’ crush. She was recently seen outside her house doing TikTok dances while bench pressing 800 pounds to prepare for her James Bond audition. She is known not only for her tiktok talent, but her athletic ability. She was a professional cage fighter/bullrider before becoming a TikToker.

Mr. Fratzke- “The names Fratzke, Jeff Fratzke,” Mr. Fratzke said to the President after he takes out a team of terrorists with his bare hands. He has a leather briefcase and slicked back hair. Who knows, he may already be a spy in his freetime. Driving in his Aston Martin, with his wife in the passenger seat, on his way to save the world. He’s got the style; he’s got the looks. He is easily the greatest substitute teacher of all time.

Jesus- “Yeah man, I’m really hoping to get this role, it would be great for my career,” Jesus said. Jesus has appeared on an episode of Outer Banks and a few episodes of Grey's Anatomy, but hasn’t had his breakout yet. Jesus is an avid reader of the Wind-Up and was thrilled to be interviewed by me, even though he hasn't been doing great professionally.  It was reported that Jesus and Mr. Fratzke were seen practicing for their audition at the local Buffalo Wild Wings. They were doing vocal exercises while simultaneously fist fighting. They were also seen with chicken wings.