Tiger Woods is back and better than ever

I’m sure by now all of you know about golf legend Tiger Wood’s recent leg injury. Two compound fractures after rolling off of a freeway in his Genesis SUV has put Tiger out for at least a few months. I’m sure you’re all like “Oh no Tiger! Will he ever be able to play again?!” “Oh boy, poor guy, the end of an era.” 

But don’t you worry, Tiger will be back and better than ever—except in soccer. “What?! Soccer?! Tiger Woods does NOT play soccer.” Well, now he does. Dr. Anish Mahajan, interim CEO and chief medical officer of Harbor-UCLA has implanted a bionic leg into Tiger’s left leg making him capable of kicking a soccer ball at around 25,000 mph. 

Tiger tested his new-found ability against soccer star Lionel Messi. Messi reportedly quit soccer shortly after a 1v1 with Tiger on Tuesday. 

“I don’t know man, I tried to stop him but he kicked the ball so hard it took off my left arm. I am in extreme pain and don’t think I will be able to play again, Tiger is unstoppable,”a wailing Messi said on Tuesday. 

Woods will be joining FIFA but as his own team known as the Tiger Woods Tigers. A very creative name. Tiger will be the only member, as all he needs to do is simply launch the ball at the goal, no dribbling required. When a soccer ball is moving at 25,000 mph it will literally decimate anything in its path. 

Woods tested the capabilities of his new leg during his team’s first practice on Wednesday. He had all of his previous golf opponents, Rory Mcilroy, Dustin Johnson, Jordan Speith, and Phil Mickleson line up in a single file line in front of the goal. Tiger then proceeded to kick the ball through all four golfers’ torsos making a very bloody but successful goal. 

Let’s all wish Tiger Woods luck in this new path of his life. Tiger will forever be a sports icon!