Winder

I blessed a few lucky fellow students with a very important question: Who would you choose to be your eternal lover, and why?

The Profiles

Candice

Hi! My name's Candice! I’m a part of the sorority Kappa-Yam-Yam, where every night we perform our special rituals. As my significant other, you would have to attend each ritual wearing a white cloak. And of course you can’t forget our ceremonial chalice, silly, where we all take a sip of the blood of our sisters.  LOL, I'm just kidding, it’s grape juice! I'm like a super cray- cray, quirky girl. It’s gonna be like really hard to keep up with me: I’m always on the move doing something that’s like totally crazy. LOL, I'm so quirky!  

Chad

Hey I’m Chad. Dogs are pretty cool.

Moses

I enjoy laying on bathroom floors at rest stops. The feeling of the cold tile makes me feel loved—it’s the only form of physical touch I receive. I’m looking for someone around 4’6” (I’m 4’7”) who starts off their morning with one of my favorite activities: munching on fresh grass; the best grass can be found in my mom’s garden. I still live with my mom, but I won’t let that stop us from creating an undying, eternal love!

Zaphnathpaaneah

If you pronounce my name wrong I’ll plagiarize your grandpa’s eulogy for my food’s class. My favorite hobby is tickling the toes of my enemies in their sleep, and clipping their toenails for my collection. I like long walks on the beach, and spending time with my friends and family as well.  

The Responses

“Moses because he seems kinda normal compared to the others and he’s short, and short guys are cool, and he likes to eat veggies and grass.” Cole Lakin, 11

“I would choose Zaph because I also enjoy snipping and tickling toes, and I think we would have that in common.” Tess Kapelke, 9.

“While I admire the uniqueness of Zaph’s name, he gives me a bit of fright. Moses gives off strong serial killer vibes, so that’s a turn off.  I also cannot, and will not date someone shorter than me. I think my best bet is Chad.” Claire Caplea, 11

“Candice. She sounds annoying, but I bet she’s bad.” Troy Sims, 12