Exploring the Mind of Selena
“Let me make a promise; I'll only tell you my darkest secrets, ” Selena says at the beginning of her documentary My Mind and Me. Apple TV+ premiers this documentary that has given her permission to stop and reflect about working in the show business since the young age of 7. While we are constantly used to seeing celebrities filtered, seemingly at their best, we see Selena at her worst. This documentary takes us through her authentic and raw struggles with her diagnosis of lupus and bipolar disorder.
As My Mind and Me opens, black-and-white shots of Selena narrating her diary entries appear on the screen, setting the mood for the whole hour and thirty minutes of Selena's narrative.
“December 19: I have to stop living like this. Why have I become so far from the light? Everything I’ve ever wished for… I’ve had and done all of it, but it has killed me. Because there’s always Selena.”
Flashes from 2016 come on the screen of Gomez performing with huge crowds, screaming fans, and excited interviewers: she’s seemingly happy, dolled up Selena with beautiful outfits and makeup on. Then it cuts to before a performance as she’s shown getting ready for a performance, criticizing her body, calling herself a ’12-year-old boy’.
After pulling herself together for an outstanding performance, she breaks down crying saying she was ‘so bad and doesn't have any idea what she’s doing.’ She expressed that she gets a voice inside her head that tells her, ‘you missed this, that sucked’. When she gets a glimpse of herself on the screen, the voices say ‘wow, that looks pretty bad.’ Every part of her tour, from her outfits, to her body, and to her singing ability, are drowning in negative self-talk. She is in a constant battle with her mind.
Her former assistant Theresa Mingus stated she didn't want to be alive anymore.
"It was one of those moments where you look in her eyes and there's nothing there… It was just pitch black. And it's so scary,” said Mingus, during an interview clip.
Selena and her team decided to cancel the rest of her tour, due to the severity of her mental health issues.
"I just remember it being very chaotic and she was hearing all of these voices, they just kept getting louder and louder and louder. That triggered some kind of psychotic break," said Selena's close friend Raquelle Stevens also in an interview clip.
On top of dealing with her mental issues, Gomez had to have a life-saving kidney transplant due to her lupus diagnosis. Lupus is a disease where the immune system attacks its own tissue, causing tiredness, joint pain, and fever. Her health problems continued to decline her mental health, forcing her to receive help at a psychiatric hospital, where she was diagnosed with bipolar disorder. Bipolar disorder is a health condition that causes extreme mood swings such as: extreme highs and extreme lows, according to Mayo Clinic.
"I'm gonna be honest, I didn't want to go to a mental health hospital; But I didn't want to be trapped in myself, in my mind, anymore. I thought my life was over. I was like, 'This is who I'm gonna be forever,'' said Selena in an interview clip in My Mind and Me. Luckily, Selena received the help she needed and is using her celebrity status to shed light on mental health issues.
“I’m at peace. I’m angry. I’m sad. I’m confident. I’m full of doubt. I’m a work in progress,” Selena says at the end of the documentary, letting the audience know the journey is never over: we need to continue to work on ourselves every day to grow. You are never alone and stuck in your current situation.