Cupid Causes Chaos in St. Joe
Oh no! A chubby cherub nudist is taking over St Joe. You may be thinking— “wait I thought Cupid was a nice guy, he brought me and my wife together and we are very happy. We have been together like 12 years and every day just gets better.” Cupid is not good anymore, this baby boy is giving a big middle finger to romance this year.
Just the other day I watched him drunkenly shoot a nice old lady named Cheryl in the face with his bow and arrow. It was truly a senseless crime, she was just walking across the street, feeding the birds and then BOOM, dead. And this is not even the end of his senseless crime spree.
He has been caught shoplifting Party City and I <3 St Joe, and those are just the places he was caught. Cupid doesn’t want love anymore, he wants chaos.
The people seem afraid too. When asked for comments on Cupid’s crime spree, two people going by the names “Dude please get out of my face, I don’t want to be interviewed” and “where are your pants, please put pants on” were too scared senseless to give a single comment and ran away when I aggressively urged them to comment.
The police might be in on Cupid’s crime spree also. As I was doing my investigation, I was mysteriously arrested for “public nudity.” I don’t know what was up with it, but it felt like a front for a bigger situation.
Anywho, stay safe out there.